Today has been pretty shitty... school was dull and uneventful and then tonight I found out my grandpa won't make it through the night. It pains me to hear that since he cared about me, he always had something to say that would make me have more hope than before. He believed in me and very few do which made him more special to me than my other grandfathers. It also pains me to see my mother grieve. I last my birth father December of 2012 and it was hard for me even though our relationship was strained, but my mom and my grandpa were very close. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a father that you were so close. I can't cry over the loss of my grandpa, actually I haven't been able to cry for months now even though I have wanted to. I guess it's a good thing so I can help my mom and be there for her in her time of need instead of mourning myself. My dad though is staying strong to for her but I know that he had a bond with my grandpa too and he is also mourning the loss. All I can do is try and help get money to go to California so that we can go to my grandpa's funeral. My mom wasn't able to see her dad before he died so the least I can do is help make it possible for her to be there when he's laid to rest in peace.